It's two days after Christmas and a few days before the end of another year, and I'm wondering how time breezes by so quietly and steadily without any reason or reminder. I realize that for some time, I've surrendered to the half-conscious state of apathy and survival. I feel perplexed by the reality of my condition and how the memories of a passionate and inspired existence have become muted images floating hazily in a far off distance. I sit here gripping my cup of tea trying to sort through some of these realizations. I close my eyes and bits and pieces of everything make figure eights around my peripheral blind spots. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
There are moments in life in which we feel alive, when thriving is the norm and daily surges of learning and living and growth are experienced. And then there are times like these, and maybe it's a side effect of growing into a full fledged adult, when idealism is threaded with cynicism and the trick is to recognize the tapestry of one's life and continue--to weave and thrive and struggle and cry and love and change. As I traverse various life obstacles, there are moments of self-doubt, of bitterness, of pain, but also moments to take pride and hope in, to continue to love and be loved, to pursue goodness and take risks. I realize that for myself, what I need to thrive is God, community, learning and my one and only. These are what make me feel whole and alive and these are what I must fight for.
Now, all I need is a practical action-oriented plan to re-gain and resume these things. Here's to 2008 and for better things in 2009.
Comments (1)
thanks for this beautiful post...I'm feeling the same way...
we will get through it :)